I've heard this question often, of late, as I have been running accross people I haven't talked to in a while. The common answer to this question is to catch them up on the facts of our lives since we last spoke. Newsflashes. Normally about everyone but myself, except that I had the baby and am hoping to return to school in the winter.
But really, I feel as though our life (my small family's) is a leaf floating on the wind, and may be blown in any direction at any moment. It seems as though we are simply trying to keep up. I have observed the manner in which some young toddlers run, and simply put: it is as though they lean forward and then try to move their feet fast enough to stay under them, to keep up with the momentum of their falling body. That is sometimes how I feel. I don't know which direction we are headed or what storms we will face, and some of the potential storms seem awful fierce.
It's almost like waiting with your bags packed and by the door, but as of yet, unaware of the destination.
Jason has recently applied for a police department, and inside of six weeks recieved a reply and taken a physical and written test and an interview. Of 12 people, only 3 were invited back for the interview. Is this really the direction we want to go? It will require an incredible sacrifice of time and will thus put a severe strain on our family. We would have to move in three months. We would have to change some of our other plans. I wouldn't be able to go back to school in the winter. But I would be much closer to my family. We may have to buy another car before we even have the money to do so. But the pay will be reasonably higher than it is currently. And, Jason is still unsure if he will even like it any better than what he is doing now.
We keep trying to place the decision in God's hands, and then are worried that we will miss the signs of direction. And will it really be worth the cost to our family? We are confident that He will see us through; He always has. Unfortunately I am one of those who wants to know all of the details. I like to SEE that whoever is in control has it under control, and I want to know the plan just in case something goes wrong, I can take control to make sure that it works out the way it is supposed to. I have come to see that I do this with God, too. I still have to just trust, though, becuase God doesn't normally see any reason to give me all the details.
