Bully

Watched the "Bully" documentary in a class today. Made me think of things. I was never really bullied, as a kid, not the way i saw it. My brother was. I was only around once when it happened. I couldn't keep my mouth shut like he did. I don't know how he had the fortitude to keep his mouth shut. The guy pushed my brother off a train loading dock, so I pushed him off. When he said false & stupid things about my brother, I called him an idiot. I never kept my mouth shut- it was my weapon: turn everything they say back on them, or consent to what they say with dripping sarcasm. Even if I didn't know what they were talking about. Once a kid on the bus told me I had dandruff. I didn't know what it was, but I called him an idiot and told him I didn't use that kind of shampoo. I was so convinced that I think even he was confused. But that was the extent to which I •may• have been picked on. I had a sharp tongue. I didn't let people pick on my younger brother, either. I warned the bullies away from him because he had a temper; it was "for their own good", I told them. I'd get in the way of any kid trying to bully. Once I told a kid I would kick his ass if he didn't leave a kid alone. I felt bad using that language, but I needed to sound tough. The kid bent over and said "go ahead". His mistake. I made good on my threat and sent him sprawling. I knew how to handle playground dynamics, and Junior High and High School werent problems as far as bullying went.

Now, I'm a mom of 3. My oldest is finishing her first year of school (kinder). The last week or so, the Kinder's have been let on the playground with the other grades...and my daughter has been bullied. I am a protector. Not "protective" in the stuffy sense that I never let my children climb trees and test their limits. I am one that seeks to protect against injustice and those situations that one may not be equipped for handling oneself. And I struggle with how to equip and protect my daughter from bullies. I can't teach her the tactics I used because they are unnatural to her personality. She is not defensive the way I am. So, how do I protect her? Especially in a way that doesn't look like her mommy's protecting her? The yard duty personnel have alot of kids to look after. She's young, but she still doesn't tell me all that happens. I guess I may have to take advantage of the "visitor passes".

Induced Optimism #1

My car being in the shop this week allows me to get a 2 1/2 mile walk for exercise everyday.

The Red Thread

I think I'm gonna coin a term. How do I do that? Just keep using it, I guess. You know when a show has an ongoing subplot? I'm gonna call it the "Red Thread". I don't know why, I just like it. I used it in a conversation, and it was understood without explanation. Yup, there ya go. The red thread.

Mom-opoly

With my toddlers. Or against them, maybe? I spend all day back-and-forth, from one kid to another, scolding, hugging, disciplining, pulling my hair out. It's kinda like a real-life board game when you roll dice and land on spaces like "Child did not understand you the first time you told her not to color on the wall, go back to beginning and clean up the mess again", or "Bathroom: you are in another room and your children take the advantage steal your already-cold lunch, and see what happens if they flush it down the toilet in the other bathroom"; "Garden: your garden looks lovely, but while you are watering, the girls tear the flowers off all the bushes behind you". Days like today. Ahhh. Can I have a refund? On the day, not necessarily any of my children, choices, or anything like that. For instance, right now, at 7:30pm I am camped outside my kids room because the two young ones were sent to bed early for disobedience. But if I were to leave, they would get out of bed and play, talk, climb, get into stuff, and I just don't have the patience for that today. I am spent. Can I have a mini-vacation? Like an un-chaperoned trip to the grocery store?

"Hey Ferb, Whatcha Wanna Do Today?"

This is my morning mantra. Or maybe my morning theme song, since we tend to start our morning with Disney's "Phineas & Ferb". If I don't decide what I want to do for the day before I get out of bed, I don't get much done. I have a long enough to-do list, sure. But in the wee hours of the morning (they look 'wee' through my reluctantly-cracked eyelids), I just can't seem to think of anything so demanding that requires my immediate attention. Well, besides my three children, who awake each morning to discover that they haven't eaten for a full 10 hours and submit endless verbal appeals for immediate action at their behest. And their appetites are endless!!! If I go to the bathroom, my oldest daughter comes to the door asking what she can eat if she gets hungry. Just in case. Just in case I get sucked down the toilet or choke on my toothbrush!! If her food is not on a plate and eaten at the table, it doesn't constitute as breakfast. In other words, a gogurt, banana, bowl of cold cereal (eaten in the living room on a lazy morning), apple, glass of milk and piece of toast go completely unnoticed as she sweetly chimes, "Mom, what's for breakfast?".

What do modern gypsies look like?

Would they look like me? Haha!

After 2 years of being too busy to post, what with papers, exams, small children and another pregnancy, I have found my way back here. Where'd everybody go?

Anyway, my family has recently become gypsies, or so I like to call ourselves because "homeless" has such a terribly alarming clang to it. We sleep in hotels or with relatives. We would have got a trailer, but it was gonna cost a coupla grand to install a tow hitch to our minivan (or so we were quoted).

We aren't really tied anywhere since my husband was let go from his job in July. We gave notice, packed up and toted our junk for three days before leaving it in Colorado. We get much better gas mileage now! So we hung around Colorado for a couple weeks before moving on to North Eastern Montana, where we stayed in my sister's unfinished basement, which wouldn't have been too bad except my brother-in-law kept the AC so cold we thought it was the middle of WINTER down there! We were wearing wool socks, fleece pants and thermal shirts to bed, then wearing shorts and tank tops to go outside! It was fun, though, and we were blessed to have somewhere to stay, and it was nice to visit my sister after 2 years of absence.

So, what dragged us from the beautiful, isolated farming country of N.E. Montana? A death in the family. So, after all our trekking, we made our way, (sick, tired and throwing up) back to So. California. We decided to stay through the holidays, mostly for the kid's sake, but we needed a break as well.

And here we are. What do we do now? Where do we look for work? And how long can we handle living with my husband's parents? I don't know.

Spouting "astute" and unwanted advise!

As a parent, there are always people who are offering their un-requested advise on how you should raise your children. This is becoming a pet-peeve with me. Some people seem to think that because one doesn't assertively broadcast their position, that they must be in need of one, and then they force their upon these silent mothers. Sometimes this "wisdom" comes from well-seasoned, well-meaning older women, who are sometimes even strangers. This can be irritating, but eventually they go away. But there is another source that is of particular frustration: the middle-aged, opinionated mother of several (normally 3+) children who feels the need to flood young mothers with all of their 'perfected' methods of child-rearing. They watch your kids a few times, of hear something you say and they just have to jump in and let you know that you just aren't doing things right. Really. Does it ever occur to them that if we really wanted their opinion, we would just ask?! Do they know my childrens every move, habit, hurt or epiphany? No, so just where do they get off?!!? And, they make a majorly false assumption that I prescribe to their way of thinking! I don't agree with half the things that they say!! AND just because I am too nice to say "Back off", they take it as a sign of encouragement. I don't even know their kids, so how could I possibly decide that I want to model her rearing methods? And, who is to say that she ever had a kid like mine?!?! All of us parents know that KIDS ARE DIFFERENT!! In fact, it was just a point that she felt the need to make for me the other day, and then she incorrectly stumbles into giving me advise, or rather a directive or warning on exactly what I am doing wrong. I give my child too much freedom. Really? that I why I had to tell her that I wanted her to give the kids more discipline, and not let them get away with things due to circumstantial context (because we know that Toddlers don't actually understand the context). Isn't it a parental choice to decide whether I want to confine (strap or somehow tie down) my daughter to her bed, or teach her the discipline of staying in bed and taking a nap? It may sound like an easier question, unless you've met my child, whose independence is quite natural, despite the beliefs of her daycare caretaker. According to her, I have fostered this independence, and it is a bad thing. I do want my child to be strong and independent, but she has a natural inclination for it as well. So, why should my daycare person have any say in whether or not I decide to confine my child to her bed for naps, or take the much more arduous path of teaching her that this is what is expected? Not to mention, if you've met Evelyn, you would most likely understand why confining wouldn't work. She would struggle till she found a way out, and if she couldn't get out, she would scream and cry until someone came to help. The LAST thing that she would do is SLEEP!! I'm not conpletely unfounded in feeling this way, am I?