Bully

Watched the "Bully" documentary in a class today. Made me think of things. I was never really bullied, as a kid, not the way i saw it. My brother was. I was only around once when it happened. I couldn't keep my mouth shut like he did. I don't know how he had the fortitude to keep his mouth shut. The guy pushed my brother off a train loading dock, so I pushed him off. When he said false & stupid things about my brother, I called him an idiot. I never kept my mouth shut- it was my weapon: turn everything they say back on them, or consent to what they say with dripping sarcasm. Even if I didn't know what they were talking about. Once a kid on the bus told me I had dandruff. I didn't know what it was, but I called him an idiot and told him I didn't use that kind of shampoo. I was so convinced that I think even he was confused. But that was the extent to which I •may• have been picked on. I had a sharp tongue. I didn't let people pick on my younger brother, either. I warned the bullies away from him because he had a temper; it was "for their own good", I told them. I'd get in the way of any kid trying to bully. Once I told a kid I would kick his ass if he didn't leave a kid alone. I felt bad using that language, but I needed to sound tough. The kid bent over and said "go ahead". His mistake. I made good on my threat and sent him sprawling. I knew how to handle playground dynamics, and Junior High and High School werent problems as far as bullying went.

Now, I'm a mom of 3. My oldest is finishing her first year of school (kinder). The last week or so, the Kinder's have been let on the playground with the other grades...and my daughter has been bullied. I am a protector. Not "protective" in the stuffy sense that I never let my children climb trees and test their limits. I am one that seeks to protect against injustice and those situations that one may not be equipped for handling oneself. And I struggle with how to equip and protect my daughter from bullies. I can't teach her the tactics I used because they are unnatural to her personality. She is not defensive the way I am. So, how do I protect her? Especially in a way that doesn't look like her mommy's protecting her? The yard duty personnel have alot of kids to look after. She's young, but she still doesn't tell me all that happens. I guess I may have to take advantage of the "visitor passes".

Induced Optimism #1

My car being in the shop this week allows me to get a 2 1/2 mile walk for exercise everyday.

The Red Thread

I think I'm gonna coin a term. How do I do that? Just keep using it, I guess. You know when a show has an ongoing subplot? I'm gonna call it the "Red Thread". I don't know why, I just like it. I used it in a conversation, and it was understood without explanation. Yup, there ya go. The red thread.

Mom-opoly

With my toddlers. Or against them, maybe? I spend all day back-and-forth, from one kid to another, scolding, hugging, disciplining, pulling my hair out. It's kinda like a real-life board game when you roll dice and land on spaces like "Child did not understand you the first time you told her not to color on the wall, go back to beginning and clean up the mess again", or "Bathroom: you are in another room and your children take the advantage steal your already-cold lunch, and see what happens if they flush it down the toilet in the other bathroom"; "Garden: your garden looks lovely, but while you are watering, the girls tear the flowers off all the bushes behind you". Days like today. Ahhh. Can I have a refund? On the day, not necessarily any of my children, choices, or anything like that. For instance, right now, at 7:30pm I am camped outside my kids room because the two young ones were sent to bed early for disobedience. But if I were to leave, they would get out of bed and play, talk, climb, get into stuff, and I just don't have the patience for that today. I am spent. Can I have a mini-vacation? Like an un-chaperoned trip to the grocery store?

"Hey Ferb, Whatcha Wanna Do Today?"

This is my morning mantra. Or maybe my morning theme song, since we tend to start our morning with Disney's "Phineas & Ferb". If I don't decide what I want to do for the day before I get out of bed, I don't get much done. I have a long enough to-do list, sure. But in the wee hours of the morning (they look 'wee' through my reluctantly-cracked eyelids), I just can't seem to think of anything so demanding that requires my immediate attention. Well, besides my three children, who awake each morning to discover that they haven't eaten for a full 10 hours and submit endless verbal appeals for immediate action at their behest. And their appetites are endless!!! If I go to the bathroom, my oldest daughter comes to the door asking what she can eat if she gets hungry. Just in case. Just in case I get sucked down the toilet or choke on my toothbrush!! If her food is not on a plate and eaten at the table, it doesn't constitute as breakfast. In other words, a gogurt, banana, bowl of cold cereal (eaten in the living room on a lazy morning), apple, glass of milk and piece of toast go completely unnoticed as she sweetly chimes, "Mom, what's for breakfast?".

What do modern gypsies look like?

Would they look like me? Haha!

After 2 years of being too busy to post, what with papers, exams, small children and another pregnancy, I have found my way back here. Where'd everybody go?

Anyway, my family has recently become gypsies, or so I like to call ourselves because "homeless" has such a terribly alarming clang to it. We sleep in hotels or with relatives. We would have got a trailer, but it was gonna cost a coupla grand to install a tow hitch to our minivan (or so we were quoted).

We aren't really tied anywhere since my husband was let go from his job in July. We gave notice, packed up and toted our junk for three days before leaving it in Colorado. We get much better gas mileage now! So we hung around Colorado for a couple weeks before moving on to North Eastern Montana, where we stayed in my sister's unfinished basement, which wouldn't have been too bad except my brother-in-law kept the AC so cold we thought it was the middle of WINTER down there! We were wearing wool socks, fleece pants and thermal shirts to bed, then wearing shorts and tank tops to go outside! It was fun, though, and we were blessed to have somewhere to stay, and it was nice to visit my sister after 2 years of absence.

So, what dragged us from the beautiful, isolated farming country of N.E. Montana? A death in the family. So, after all our trekking, we made our way, (sick, tired and throwing up) back to So. California. We decided to stay through the holidays, mostly for the kid's sake, but we needed a break as well.

And here we are. What do we do now? Where do we look for work? And how long can we handle living with my husband's parents? I don't know.

Spouting "astute" and unwanted advise!

As a parent, there are always people who are offering their un-requested advise on how you should raise your children. This is becoming a pet-peeve with me. Some people seem to think that because one doesn't assertively broadcast their position, that they must be in need of one, and then they force their upon these silent mothers. Sometimes this "wisdom" comes from well-seasoned, well-meaning older women, who are sometimes even strangers. This can be irritating, but eventually they go away. But there is another source that is of particular frustration: the middle-aged, opinionated mother of several (normally 3+) children who feels the need to flood young mothers with all of their 'perfected' methods of child-rearing. They watch your kids a few times, of hear something you say and they just have to jump in and let you know that you just aren't doing things right. Really. Does it ever occur to them that if we really wanted their opinion, we would just ask?! Do they know my childrens every move, habit, hurt or epiphany? No, so just where do they get off?!!? And, they make a majorly false assumption that I prescribe to their way of thinking! I don't agree with half the things that they say!! AND just because I am too nice to say "Back off", they take it as a sign of encouragement. I don't even know their kids, so how could I possibly decide that I want to model her rearing methods? And, who is to say that she ever had a kid like mine?!?! All of us parents know that KIDS ARE DIFFERENT!! In fact, it was just a point that she felt the need to make for me the other day, and then she incorrectly stumbles into giving me advise, or rather a directive or warning on exactly what I am doing wrong. I give my child too much freedom. Really? that I why I had to tell her that I wanted her to give the kids more discipline, and not let them get away with things due to circumstantial context (because we know that Toddlers don't actually understand the context). Isn't it a parental choice to decide whether I want to confine (strap or somehow tie down) my daughter to her bed, or teach her the discipline of staying in bed and taking a nap? It may sound like an easier question, unless you've met my child, whose independence is quite natural, despite the beliefs of her daycare caretaker. According to her, I have fostered this independence, and it is a bad thing. I do want my child to be strong and independent, but she has a natural inclination for it as well. So, why should my daycare person have any say in whether or not I decide to confine my child to her bed for naps, or take the much more arduous path of teaching her that this is what is expected? Not to mention, if you've met Evelyn, you would most likely understand why confining wouldn't work. She would struggle till she found a way out, and if she couldn't get out, she would scream and cry until someone came to help. The LAST thing that she would do is SLEEP!! I'm not conpletely unfounded in feeling this way, am I?

Animals?

They sure are, sometimes! But anyone with kids knows that! They run around like crazy, they are a pain to house train, and it seems that they are safer on a leash! They don't always obey (that's an understatement!), IF they really heard you, that is. Just what are we to do with them?!

Sleep, birds, worms, and acrobatically aspiring toddlers!

As if I get any sleep as it is, my sweet, sweet toddler has learned that fine are of climbing out of her crib. It is rather sadistically amusing, actually: she gets to the top, and then falls over the edge and lands on the floor with a "thud". Oh, yes. I am so very proud of my young accomplished child, . But really, coupled with the fact that she is finally tall enough to reach the doornob, she has decided that she needs to be an early bird, to get some mythical worm, that seems to be in my bedroom, beneath the sheets. At least that is where she is looking for it, because that is the first place that she goes upon waking. She has startled me from sleep a myriad of times, at which point she proceeds to tell me, "All done sleep, mommy. All done.". Just who's sleep is she speaking of? Hers, I think, but there is an uncanny parallel to mine!! It's not as though I spent all night waking every couple hours to feed a screaming baby or anything. Ugh. Ever elusive sleep! I got more sleep a few months ago when Olivia was first born, before she got a cold and developed the irritating habit of waking every couple hours, and before Evelyn saw need to wake up at 5:30am, much more, before she discoved that she could climb out of her crimb to visit me!

Piece of Cake!

Not that I am any culinary genius or anything close, but, I enjoy playing around, and here is the cake I made for my husbands birthday, yes, my husband. He helped, but he could only do what I told him - he listened, for the most part. It was more fun making it together, than seeing everyone's reaction to it.

Breaking the Routine

Things are okay here, pretty monotonous, and to try to break the routine requires an ENORMOUS effort, and is usually pretty exhausting! We have spent the better part of this week trying to figure out what is in our garage. (We, meaning the girls and I -Evelyn is 20 months, and Olivia is 1 month). As you can imagine, OIivia naps on the job, and Evelyn normally counteracts what progress I DO make. But, the garage, with it's new milk and juice spills, and lollipop sticky marks, is still cleaner than we found it! Evelyn even decided to re-fragrance it today, yeah, "throw-up" wouldn't have been my scent of choice, but she was the one to decide. But, really, it's been fun! We go in white, and come out black, especially Evelyn, who manages to get the stuff permanently stuck to herself. She has been wearing the same clothes everytime we go in there, because I am so afraid she will do the same thing to the rest of her clothes, and I just can't afford that!!
Evelyn loves to follow in my footsteps, really, I turn around and knock her down constantly! Sometimes she just hangs on to my pantlegs so that she doesn't fall behind! She even climbs on the stool behind me. She has a great tendency to stand PRECISELY in the way! If I need to move something, she is standing where it goes. Anyway, I am drained after such an adventurous week.

Pumpkin patches & Corn mazes

We recently took Evelyn to the pumpkin patch and went through a rather extensive corn maze. It was quite alot of fun, and took about 40 minutes. Everytime we came to a dead end, Evelyn would just walk through the rows of corn, unhindered by the fact that there was no longer a path. It didn't seem to bother her that it wasn't nice and paved for her. She had quite alot of fun running down the path and rounding corners, nearly running into people, and decided which way to go at a fork. But my favorite part was when she took my husbands hand and simply started walking down the path alongside him.

The new one

"How ya doin'?"

I've heard this question often, of late, as I have been running accross people I haven't talked to in a while. The common answer to this question is to catch them up on the facts of our lives since we last spoke. Newsflashes. Normally about everyone but myself, except that I had the baby and am hoping to return to school in the winter.

But really, I feel as though our life (my small family's) is a leaf floating on the wind, and may be blown in any direction at any moment. It seems as though we are simply trying to keep up. I have observed the manner in which some young toddlers run, and simply put: it is as though they lean forward and then try to move their feet fast enough to stay under them, to keep up with the momentum of their falling body. That is sometimes how I feel. I don't know which direction we are headed or what storms we will face, and some of the potential storms seem awful fierce.
It's almost like waiting with your bags packed and by the door, but as of yet, unaware of the destination.
Jason has recently applied for a police department, and inside of six weeks recieved a reply and taken a physical and written test and an interview. Of 12 people, only 3 were invited back for the interview. Is this really the direction we want to go? It will require an incredible sacrifice of time and will thus put a severe strain on our family. We would have to move in three months. We would have to change some of our other plans. I wouldn't be able to go back to school in the winter. But I would be much closer to my family. We may have to buy another car before we even have the money to do so. But the pay will be reasonably higher than it is currently. And, Jason is still unsure if he will even like it any better than what he is doing now.

We keep trying to place the decision in God's hands, and then are worried that we will miss the signs of direction. And will it really be worth the cost to our family? We are confident that He will see us through; He always has. Unfortunately I am one of those who wants to know all of the details. I like to SEE that whoever is in control has it under control, and I want to know the plan just in case something goes wrong, I can take control to make sure that it works out the way it is supposed to. I have come to see that I do this with God, too. I still have to just trust, though, becuase God doesn't normally see any reason to give me all the details.

"Nesting", eh?

More like countdown. I think the concept of 'nesting' is just an over-glorified term for trying to hurry and make sure that everything is done and prepared for the baby's arrival. It hits whenever, but for some of us, it intensifies in the last couple months as your realize that your TO DO list is longer than your remaining days!! In my case, the list also encompasses those many things that I know that I will not be able to do anymore once I have 2 kids. You know, those silly things like sewing, sleeping, cleaning, showering, painting, scrapbooking,...did I mention sleeping? Just when am I gonna find time to do these things? Oh, and then there is that little matter of a small business that I own and pretend to run! And of course since there are so many things to do, I can't remember anything else. I can't focus on a movie long enough to follow the storyline because new additions to my to-do list keep popping into my head! I finished a nursing shall, and I made sheets for both of the girls (blankets are just too hot), and I am about to finish a diaper stacker. I started a puzzle that I would someday like to finish and hang in the girls room, but for now it is just sharing the kitchen table with my sewing machine. I have been working on scrapbooks for both of them, while also trying to get some jewelry made.

Don't get me wrong, I am WAY excited to meet my new little one, but I am just not in a hurry for her to arrive - but I don't really want her to be later, either. She is supposed to arrive 2 weeks from today, September 16th.

So, for now, I am planning on going with my momg to a Women of Faith Conference this weekend, down in Anaheim, and I'm excited about that. And on the way home, Jason & I are going to a Gem Faire (it only comes conveniently close once a year) and hope to be able to get a few things.

Today is Jason's first day back to school, teaching in his OWN classroom, too. I can't say that I am looking forward to the lonely days, but at least he is done with school and doing what he studied for.

Well, that's my little blurb. Don't know if I mentioned that we are planning on naming the baby Olivia Dawn (Stever).

We

Liquid

Pictures

You have to click on the picture of Evelyn to take you to her other pictures. Silly.

Keeping up...

There are so many weights on our time. We all mean to sit down and send an email, or make a phone call ...tomorrow. So I thought I would make it a little easier. I would love to drop everyone a line and let each know how we are doing and what is going on in our lives, but lately it seems that I only have time to do homework and chase Evelyn.

So, here's the scoop: Spring Quarter ends next week (2nd week of June) and Jason will be finished with his credential. He will have to participate in a program for 2 years at whatever school he is teaching at in order to actually recieve his credential. In other words, we can't leave California for 2 years. He has had an offer to teach Social Science at Barstow in the Fall, and everything seems to moving ahead. For the first time in 5 years, Jason will get a short reprieve from school: he gets the summer off! He doesn't have to take anymore classes. He will soon have to teach them, though...

I, on the other hand, do not yet get a break. I have 1 week between finals and the beginning of the Summer Quarter. Yeah. For those of you who do not know, I have not had a break since I was pregnant with Evelyn - I took classes through my pregnany and delivery and post-partum. Anyway, I think that I get to take the Fall quarter off...

So, on to what most of you are wondering about: what is Evelyn doing? She has been walking since 11 months, and is experimenting with differing paces.......yeah, fun. She is quite a mimic. There are a sleugh of words that are in her vocabulary - whether or not she chooses to use them is of a different matter. She CAN say please and thank-you. She can also say: more, up, down, done (w/ hand gestures), ball, book, baby, mommy, daddy, grandpa, eye (know's where it is, too), nose (knows this one as well), milk, bye-bye, pretty... and if you catch her in the right mood, she will try to repeat any word you give her. Like I said, she is quite a mimic.
Let's see, she has a pool that is 6-feet long, and 3-4 feet wide and about 2feet in depth capacity (although they never want you to fill it that full). She thinks that this pool is the greatest thing, and even if she has chills and her 9 teeth are chattering, she continues to roam from end to end chasing the ball and saying "Wee!".
If you are wondering about personality, you should all be ecstatic to know that she is her mother's daughter. Which means that she is very willful and headstrong, she is persistent and determined (notice the terms I use, rather than stubborn). She is a tough one, doesn't cry unless it really hurts, which means that I often find unexplained scratches and cuts. She like to play in the dirt, and always likes to find where her boundaries REALLY are. Many of you may be snickering as you read this description, although I haven't the foggiest idea why! Evelyn may be a challenge at times, but that is because she will be a challenger. She is already quite charismatic, and I have no doubt that she will grow up to be a interesting as her mother. ;) Anyway. There should be a link to some pictures somewhere around here...